I hate mowing. Oh my goodness. My vision of what my own little personal hell looks like has expanded to include mowing endless fields of crab-grass in the rain with a lawnmower that must have me confused with someone who destroyed its family in a previous life and is now exacting revenge. I'm totally innocent. Regardless, that's what I'm doing for the majority of my mornings now. Being completely honest, I really have a hard time maintaining a good attitude when I'm using that awful machine. Not because I could be with the kids (I'm with them for 5-7 hours a day anyway), but because I've only had sort of miserable mowing experiences and haven't yet discovered the joy of lawn care (which I know is there and I know I need to find and I promise I'm praying really hard about it).
On the plus side, my experiences have a sort of depressingly funny side to them. For instance, I had failed at the chore for about two hours when my boss came out and was telling me what I was doing wrong. As I stood there feeling my ego throw an indignant fit, I was completely unaware that I was right on top of an ant nest. Brief reminder: ants bite here. So for the next 30 minutes I was hating the fact that I had nerves below my knees and wallowing in bitter hatred of photosynthesis when my boss came out to correct me (again). My ego's sobbing drowned out the sound of common sense sweetly reminding me that just because I was standing over a *different* ant mound now did not guarantee different results. These ants crawled down my socks. After that, mowing simply became a pretense for me to look for a machete with which to amputate my legs (thankfully, ant bites do not last very long). The next day I had to mow everything that I'd missed the first day. It was raining, my wrist still hurt and I could hear the sound of children's laughter off in the distance. I think they were doing it on purpose to taunt me. I was mowing uphill, wondering why lawnmowers weren't made out of balsa wood when my feet decided it was their day off and I collapsed in a heap right on top of my wrist. I got up, pushed, and slipped again. Then I started laughing. What else could I do? Gravity and the evil lawnmower had defeated me. So far, I've spent six hours doing what my boss assures me he can do in less than two. Tomorrow I'm mowing the soccer field and I expect I'll do a little bit better. I also expect a forest yeti will run out and trip me just because it can.
Obviously that's all very dramatic but it has a moral, of course. The whole time I'm mowing I can't stop thinking, "I hate this but I need to have joy, I hate this but I need to have joy." Then I start thinking about how people all over the world do so much harder work for so much longer. Then I start thinking about how cool it would be if I could control water. Then I realize I'm daydreaming and start thinking about what to do when I don't yet find joy in my work. I need to do it, of course, and I need to do it to the best of my abilities. I have to humbly admit that I am simply bad at yard work and need to learn. But I don't think I need to pretend that I'm enjoying myself so long as I am not complaining, because pretending everything is fine would severely get in the way of me asking you all to please, please, please pray that I find joy in completing my morning chores (feeding the pigs, cleaning their stalls, cleaning the sewage treatment area, mowing, harvesting vegetables etc). I hope and expect that I'll eventually find enjoyment in what I do, but even if I don't it will all be fine if I simply have the joy Christ demands of me.
That being said, the rest of my day is always wonderful. I love hanging out with my team, I love playing football (I refuse to call it soccer!), and getting to know these kids has been one of the greatest things ever. As they climb all over me, challenge me to fight them or demand that I try and find their belly-button (Busca mi ombrigo!) I just can't help but think that I am beyond fortunate. Oh, and in case you were wondering about the last part of my title...it's true, the kids were totally unprepared for the maelstrom of technical prowess that I unleashed as I entirely dismantled them in Mario and Sonic Winter Olympics for the Wii. It's not called being overly-competitive if you're simply too good to lose.
Also, continued prayer for all the sick people here. Alison and Ashley are currently laying in bed trying to get over that virus.
We miss you all very much,
-Mateo
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Wow, Matt, we will pray harder. Your blogs are amazing....so descriptive and honest...thank you! I was very uncomfortable reading about the ants since I'm highly allergic to them. You would have been having a funeral service for me in that case. Emily was attacked by ants in Honduras, too. Thank goodness you all don't have severe allergies to outdoor insects. We will pray for you to have more joy in the morning...any way you look at it, none of those chores are "fun", but necessary. You are doing great things there, and you are making a huge difference to your team and to those precious children who you love every day. God bless you Matt! And keep up the blogging. We readers are so blessed by them.
ReplyDelete~Mrs. Tuttle
This morning, I looked to see if Mr. Chambers had any words of encouragement for you as you head out to mow! Here’s what I found…(both are excerpts). Know that we’re all praying for you, Matthew.
ReplyDeleteApr. 23 -- But the opposite case is equally true–once our concentration is on God, all the limits of our life are free and under the control and mastery of God alone. There is no longer any responsibility on you for the work. The only responsibility you have is to stay in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him. The freedom that comes after sanctification is the freedom of a child, and the things that used to hold your life down are gone. But be careful to remember that you have been freed for only one thing–to be absolutely devoted to your co-Worker.
We have no right to decide where we should be placed, or to have preconceived ideas as to what God is preparing us to do. God engineers everything; and wherever He places us, our one supreme goal should be to pour out our lives in wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work. “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might . . .” (Ecclesiastes 9:10 ).
Dec. 16 -- Always make a distinction between God’s perfect will and His permissive will, which He uses to accomplish His divine purpose for our lives. God’s perfect will is unchangeable. It is with His permissive will, or the various things that He allows into our lives, that we must wrestle before Him. It is our reaction to these things allowed by His permissive will that enables us to come to the point of seeing His perfect will for us. “We know that all things work together for good to those who love God . . .” ( Romans 8:28 )— to those who remain true to God’s perfect will— His calling in Christ Jesus.
God’s permissive will is the testing He uses to reveal His true sons and daughters. We should not be spineless and automatically say, “Yes, it is the Lord’s will.” We don’t have to fight or wrestle with God, but we must wrestle before God with things. Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength.