I've got joy, joy, joy, joy deep down in my heart....

The Lord gives strength to his people, the Lord blesses his people with peace. Psalm 29:11 This verse has been my constant reminder of God’s faithfulness and love for all his children since I have gotten to Guatemala. Not even after 10 minutes of arriving at the baby house, I have been drooled on, peed on, changed 6 diapers (and believe me, you don't even want to know what they had for dinner the night before) and spit up on. (projectile spit up, I don't understand how such a tiny person can do this) Yet somehow these children, babies have worked their way into my heart. Despite their tantrums, their fighting and their screaming and crying when Luke climbs up beside me on the couch and asks me to read to him or Jamie attacks me with a hug the moment I walk in the door, it makes it worthwhile.

The "mohawk baby" The house moms lovingly refer to me as her "white mama" :)

The baby house as many of us have determined is difficult in many ways, one being that they cannot give you a kind word or encouragement. We are appreciated by a smile and giggle from Emma, a 4 month old baby girl whose wild mohawk like hair has seen better days, (which I amazingly enough got to lay down yesterday after her bath. yay!!!) a look of contentment on Mike’s face who is also loving called “gordito” or when the tiniest of hands slips their hand into yours and looks at you with big, brown eyes that say I trust you to get me up all 108 stairs. This some how makes it all worth it and that joy of knowing they feel loved and protected somehow softens the piercing screams throughout the day.

La piscina- Emily and I with two bebes

Satan has been intent on robbing me of that joy. The joy of loving these children who seem fine but who are really constantly yearning for a kind word and love has been forgotten at times. Realizing that these children are developmentally behind for reasons unknown will literally break your heart. When an 18 month old baby can barely walk or talk, or the sparkle in their eyes is non existent, one has to wonder what has happened to slow that crucial development down. I have to remind myself not to dwell on their past but on their future, that they are now in a loving environment where they can heal.

Mary the youngest baby in the house is 3 months old. She was brought to the orphanage straight from the hospital. It is crazy to think that within the first 2 years of life babies learn what it is like to be loved and what it is like to have a constant loving person in their life and that many of these children did not experience that during those critical years of life. That interaction within those first 2 years, whether positive or negative has an affect on their lives.

When you leave a house you risk breaking a child’s heart just by leaving for the day. They do not all understand yet that not every person in their life is going to abandon them. How could a 2 year old understand that? When they cry or get hurt, they don’t understand that someone who loves them is suppose to be there to kiss their boo boo and make it all better or to just hold them and let them cry.

When you look at these kids you do not see that, you see a child who gets 3 meals a day, has clothes and is able to go to school. We constantly have to keep reminding ourselves that these kids are broken in ways that none of us can understand, that when they cry and scream because someone took away their toy or another kid hit them, that its possibly taking them back to their past, a painful, unloved and abusive past. This has been a new challenge the Lord has revealed to me throughout the last two weeks. Joy and contentment through Christ in our work here has been a shield against exhaustion and frustration. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love and mercy and for your patience.

P.S. I don't know why half of this underlined and the other half is not and why half of it is blue and the other half isnt (and i cant fix it, argh), maybe because technology hates me:)

Lovingly known as "gordito"