Rain...

The rain is falling harder than normal, creating a roaring static over our heads. We had to move the beds to avoid the new drip that formed above one of the children. Jokes about bed wetting ensued. But now we are sitting in the dark like so many nights before. So many nights. Where did they go?

We aren't saying anything. I can't think of anything I even want to say. The silence has become comfortable...one kid with his head on my stomach and another with his hand in mine. How many times have I sat like this, so content? Not enough to make it feel common. Not enough to make me ready to leave. But right now I don't have to. Right now I can just sit here and hold his hand and stroke his hair and pray. And pray..."Father, love these children after I leave, after I forget. Draw them to Yourself and give them life and joy unimaginable. Heal them, Father, and help them heal others. Love them. Love them. Love them. Guide their paths and mend their wounded souls. Be their everything. Oh Father love them please! Thank You...amen." I still feel restless, like there has to be something else I can do to, I don't know, fix them? What am I doing here, anyway? Leaving. I'm leaving. I feel so inadequate. But that's nothing new, I knew I was inadequate when I came here. I guess I never expected to be so correct. So stupidly correct. I tell them I should go, stand up and tuck in the kids who are still awake. Hugs and kisses and one gentle slap to my face. I love that kid.

I step into the hallway, so very aware that I can only do this one more time. I make it to the front door and stop. Rain. I watch as a million glittering sparks dance in the pale lamplight. It's beautiful...and I'm sad. I don't cry much anymore. It's been six years or something, I don't know, and...and I just can't right now. I feel like a part of me is being torn apart as I stand here, but...nothing is happening. I imagine I'll make it through tomorrow just fine, board the plane and go on with my life. My happy little orphan-free life. It's tragic in a way my body has forgotten how to express. So I step into the night and let the rain cry for me.

Menos de tres días

Well that's just a little strange to type out.

Our despedida last night was great fun! Casa Bernabé was saying goodbye to so many people and it was a party. After the presentations the Ohio team busted out some cream of the iced and whipped varieties and chaos ensued. Yummy, chocolate flavored chaos.

These past two days have been absolutely mind-numbingly beautiful...the kind of days where you just stop and wonder how you are still functioning on a human level while surrounded by such awesomeness. Now it's raining like it's going out of style...which it sort of is if weather patterns were fashion trends.

Again, not so much to blog about right now. I think Lauren Harlow is gonna throw something up on here pretty soon. What wonderfully ambiguous phrasing!

I was surprised by my house today and we had a little party and I got a bunch of cards. They're all so great and I love 'em, but I think my favorite is the one where when I open it there's just a drawing of a gigantic insect face staring at me. For the full effect you need to have the kid open it for you and unleash his insectoid sound effects. Nothing says "thanks for your help!" like a shrieking insect card (shrieking not included unless you are at Casa Bernabé). I'm very much sincere! I loved everything about the party and I'm really gonna miss the kids. As if that was a question...

Hopefully we'll have something to add soon...thanks!

-Matt

Oh man!

Tighont is our ginog aawy ptary! It's czray...tmie has gnoe by ripdlay.

I assume scrambling the letters like that makes your brain work harder and thus makes you smarter. Man, this blog is awesome!

Anyway, for those of you who might need scramble-therapy more than others, what I said was that tonight is our going away party. Then I said something about how it's crazy and time has gone by rapidly but that was just because I wanted to scramble more words. It's true, though.

We'll take pictures, all the girls will cry, I'll accept the award for best volunteer, all the girls will cry, I'll probably say something tactless and sarcastic, all the girls will cry and then probably hit me, I'll cry (hah! Yeah right). It'll be fantastic.

Be praying as we continue to wrap up!

-Matt

For real this time!

I was really really really going to actually blog about the weekend last time but after I typed in the first sentence I was possessed by an evil anti-blogging spirit and I just stared at the screen thinking, "Hmmmm...maybe later." Anyway, I exorcised it by watching Miley Cyrus' "The Last Song" because even fictitious personifications of my inherent laziness have better things to do than watch that movie. Because it was bad.

I'm feeling tons better. That's nice. Anyway, this will be an abbreviated post and I apologize for that.

So this past weekend was excellent (as I faithfully informed you with my in-depth last post). On Friday our team was asked to help out with Youth Group, so of course we said yes. We had no clue what we were doing and just sort of sat there for the opening message and worship. We had a vague idea that we were maybe supposed to stop kids from leaving and stuff, but after Emily failed miserably at body-checking some girls who were headed downstairs we just gave it up. Then other things happened and ultimately I ended up loking like this:



Sexy. I know, I know, it looks like I murdered Gloppy from Candyland (he had it coming) and that something died all over my face, but I promise you my record is cleaner than I am. This is the result of Los Olympicos Asqueosos (the gross olympics) where we all celebrated the love of Christ by digging through pig slop to find marbles! We also ate a lot. It was a great night. And then I threw up. And it was STILL a great night! I had fun, although nobody else from the Rainbows team (more like the LAMEbows team) participated. I was on a team with four girls and, speaking objectively, we were awesome. I'll spare you all the details of everything I had to eat (twice) but just know that it was horrifying beyond your wildest nightmares, assuming you are deathly afraid of flour.

The next morning (Saturday) we woke up early and went to Antigua. We continued in our American tradition of eating too much food and then left around 4pm to go to Chimaltenango to visit the lovely pastor and his wife who helped teach us spanish while we were still in SC. They gave us even more delicious food (do not eat the little green pepper!!!!!!!!!) and were just such a huge encouragement. They were gracious hosts and even let us steam in their two saunas! We sat and talked and enjoyed their company and learned more about what their ministry looks like. All in all, a wonderful experience.

Anyway, so now it's Wednesday and we are all winding down. Our desperdida is tomorrow night (a little early because we are sharing it with the 20 person team from OH that leaves on Saturday). It's a little strange thinking that this is my last Wednesday and tomorrow is my last Thursday etc., but I'm looking forward to being back at school. I just wish it didn't mean having to leave all the wonderful kids and staff here.

I'm sure we'll post more about our final thoughts and such, but it might happen after we've left. It's getting harder and harder to sit down and blog as our time here grows shorter and shorter. So I apologize. But hopefully we will soon be able to tell you all about it in person!

Thanks for your patience and for your prayers. They've made all the difference.

-Matt

El fin de semana

Well hello again.

I'm still not feeling the greatest but I have a bit of spare time before lunch so I figured I might as well talk about the weekend.

It was great.

Ok! See y'all later!

Well darn. We were wrong.

Just kidding everybody, no one had scarlet fever. The blood work came back negative. So what did Morgan and Beth have? To answer this question, I propose another riddle.

I live in the tropics all over the planet.
I'm pretty darn random so you can't really plan it.
I fly through the air carried by my best peeps.
Your eyes and skin burn so good luck getting sleep(s).
I sometimes cause rashes all over your skin.
But no throwing up so you don't need a bin!
Though you hurt everywhere, can't use Bengay reliever.
I ain't no Miss Scarlet, I'm the great Dengue Fever!

Okay that was lame, but I'm on meds right now so I can't think. The nurse thinks I have it too...but I'm not totally sure. I got all the symptoms except the rash so we'll see how it plays out. My fever came and went yesterday so at least it doesn't hurt as bad to exist anymore. My eyes and head are close to exploding, however, so that's fun. Anyway, yea, Morgan and Beth each had dengue, which means that there was just an infected mosquito flying around getting 'em both. It's not contagious and is a virus so you just have to get over it. They're feeling much better though and it's been a joy to see them for the last time before we meet up again at the airport! Crazy! One week left.

I know I promised to tell you all about Friday, buuuut it's a longer story that I'm positive would be funnier if I'm not so out of it. For all I know I only think I'm typing about dengue fever...I'm either actually asleep right now or I'm really just talking about eating mud or something. Oh hey, I almost did that on Friday too.

One more little story. This morning at 8 one of the kids came to tell me to come to the house and help them get ready because the two normal helpers were practicing for worship today. The first thing I saw when I walked outside was his super adorable face. The second thing I saw were the two biggest spiders I've ever seen in person crawling on his shirt. They were both barely smaller than my palm. Not that I have arachnophobia really bad, but I have arachnophobia really bad. "Why do you have spiders on your shirt?!" "Huh?" "Don't be like that! Those are huge!" "Oh these? You scared?" "What do you think?!" Then he chased me to his house saying "I just want a hug!"... "Liar! Don't touch me!" Turns out two of the boys went to run an errand last night and the car broke down so they went to a gas station that doubles as the lair of Ariadne the Spider Queen. Webs everywhere. Then I learned from the main house helper guy just before he left that there were spiders twice that size...and the kids were just running around grabbing them and putting them in a bottle. Apparently the gas station guy told them they don't have poison. Well that's great. But when spiders are that big they don't need poison, they can just decapitate you with a thought. Uuugh, my weekend was been like a reverse showing of some Fear Factor episode. I'll explain the Friday thing later.

Anyway, I'm gonna go get some sleep. I'm running on a combined total of 15 hours in the last four nights and my head hurts like I just got kicked by very angry person made of slightly malleable plastic. Hm, bad analogy.

-Matt

We're still alive!

The rumors are true- scarlet fever DOES still exist! It's not just on the Oregon Trail game. Shocking, I know. If you want proof, I have it.... all over my body. If nothing else, it was an anthropological experience right?

I was quarantined for 3 days, sick for 5, and I've lived to tell about it. It was certainly not the best time ever, but Beth and I have definitely started a lifelong friendship:) The kids no longer run away from me(I looked pretty scary covered in hives) which I call an improvement, and Miriam(the pregnant house mom) is healthy! Thank you all so much for your prayers- they were such a comfort!

Other than that, life here is blissful. I wake to 9 screaming boys every morning, banging on my door with desperate pleas for toilet paper. I spend my days as a human jungle gym, constantly using the phrases:
"Don't put that in your mouth!"
"You need to be kind!"
"What happened?"

I work in the kitchen with Leo learning all of her Mayan secrets(she's amazing!) and get laughed at when I drop things on the floor and cut myself(which happens everyday). My spanish is improving immensely, and I'm able to converse with Leo and Miriam as we cook. They ask me about American food(they are SHOCKED to hear that we don't eat beans and tortillas on a daily basis) and about American boys(their favorite topic). They are so patient with me in the kitchen. Each time I tell them I don't know how to do something, they always respond with, "But I can teach you and you can learn!" Today both Miriam and Leo told me at different times that my tortillas were "beautiful" and that I should go home and make them for my mother(get ready mom!).

These people are so beautiful and loving, it will be sad to leave them. They have welcomed me like family into their world, and most of the time I don't feel like I've given much back. While we were sick they dutifully took care of us, bringing us food(Leo even made us our favorite kind of Atol!) and entertaining us with their antics through the window(the girls loved to delay their chores by banging on our window and making faces at us while we suffered with the fever). I can't believe it's been 7 weeks already! Next Monday(August 2) we will depart for the states and leave all of these wonderful people behind. It will be so hard to go, but in some ways I'm ready to come back to my life.

-Morgan

Off to Antigua otra vez

Hey there!

Yesterday was really great with some good stories, but unfortunately an update will have to wait because we are going to be gone all day! We are leaving in about 10 minutes to go to Antigua again. Our goals this time range from shopping to finding an Indian Restaurant to eating as many nutella banana crepes as humanly possible. With gelato. Mmmm, nutella crepes. Everybody else's goals are good too, I guess (not). We are going to Casa Bernabé's ex-head honcho's house for breakfast (she's super nice and is still on the board and I think she works at another branch of Casa Bernabé in Antigua) and then will ultimately say goodbye to Antigua around twreefourivish I dunno. We will then drive to the city and find the darkest alley possible and start yelling racist slurs in Spanish.

Just kidding! We are going to the house of the pastor who helped us with spanish while in SC. I assume he will feed us. He also has a sauna but I don't know if we'll be using it.

Soooo yea, I gotta go. We will write about yesterday tomorrow!

-Matt

Mini Quotes Update: 3

This time the quotes are devoid of anything having to do with a toilet! Hooray!

Emily- “Cookie monster teaches children poor grammar.” Lauren- “So do I…”

Matt- “I am thorough like the Soviet Union.”

Matt- “Ashley, we’re standing in the cheese aisle making seal noises. Something is wrong.” Ashley- “Well what else would we be doing?”

Matt- “Does anybody else think the fire on this poster looks like spawning salmon?”

Matt- “You know, my fingernails are just the right amount of shiny.”

Matt (in the car with a cake in his lap)- “My thighs have extra friction for moments like this.”

Matt- “Friction thighs to the rescue!”

Ashley (to Matt) – “You sound like an elephant when you walk.” Matt – “That’s because I dropped out of geisha training.”

Emily – “If I was in the CIA I would learn to aim with all my body parts.”

Matt- “Speaking of anthropological experiences, Sarah Palin was in my dream last night.”

Matt- “The cornflake of death is your punishment!” Throws a cornflake at Emily. Misses. “Wait, that was the cornflake of inaccuracy! Crap. This is the cornflake of death!” Hits Emily. Emily eats it. Matt- “What?! You can’t eat the cornflake of death!” Emily- “Mmmmm, death tastes good.”

Andrea – “Alison, you inspire me to floss.”

Emily – “You just Broklahoma!”

Matt- “I’m listening to the new David Archuleta song (Something ‘Bout Love). Who knew an 18 year old Mormon boy could teach me so much about love?”

No, he is not safe. But he is good.

God is not safe, but oh he's been good.
When I came here I came with strange fears like the fear of getting a weird stomach bug and being stuck in the bathroom for weeks. Or with the fear that I would be lacking things that I needed, thus I over packed with cliff bars and a jumbo contact solution. Or with the fear that I would feel alone or perhaps so estranged to people here that I wouldn't be able to form strong relationships. Or the fears of sweating my brains out and getting lice.
And after I said goodbye to Tommy at the airport and was sitting in my seat before taking off, not knowing where the heck I was actually going, I sat there and told God that this summer was going to be hard enough and he best stop sending me places. I told him I didn't think I could do this whole charade where I leave my boyfriend and my parents at the terminal not knowing when I would get to talk to them and skip off to a strange land where I didn't know what anything would be like. I told him that I would probably be better off learning important life lessons a little closer to home- somewhere where I wouldn't look like the dumb gringo.
And here I am. My fears- void. My experiences- wouldn't trade them. Instead my fears becoming reality this summer has been a time where I continually thought, I can't imagine what I would be missing out on if I had stayed in my comfort zone.
The staff here are people I would not want to miss out on knowing. The women who run my house of 17 kids are only 19 and 21 and they are amazing at loving and caring for these kids, and thus I have seen God do the impossible through them. Their drive in life has left me wanting more of the crazy things God might have for me because they are definitely not going to settle.
Not only the staff but being able to see this country- a huge blessing. Our hotel that was on a lake surrounded by volcanoes took so much to actually get to, and yet because we were willing to trek, we got to experience the most amazing view. Even here when I wash dishes I get to look out at the mountains and be still.
And not to mention the kids. I get more hugs and kisses everyday than I thought I'd ever need. And how precious is it to see a kid's face light up when I come to their house in the morning or after nap time. I don't deserve for the little girl to look at me every morning and yell "Lorena!!" Smile, head tilt, "Lorena." Smile, "Buenos dias Lorena!" finished by a giggle and a hug. And here I thought this trip was about me sacraficing so that I could pour out what God had given me to others. That's partially true, but more so I am being poured into.
Because as it turns out, God is not a vindictive teacher who wants to move us to the next level of excruciating work so we grow and achieve more. He's not waiting for us to complete one level of faith and understanding so that he can assign us a new research paper at the next level. And I'm convinced that he's not a carver, waiting with a knife to carve out the nasty in us to make us something beautiful in the end. He's a potter who sometimes pumps the wheel so fast that it tickles, or who speeds up the wheel because he knows we can feel his hands better when he does.
God is the overexcited dad who makes his daughter go on the roller coaster even though she thinks she is not ready. He is the dad who takes his daughter skiing on the black slopes and when they get to the top of the hill he exclaims- follow me! Because he wants his girl to experience not only the view but the crazy ride down even though she's scared to death and he knows it. (sound familiar dad?) God doesn't want us to miss out. He's not a germaphobe. He's not concerned with his kids getting their clothes dirty or even with them getting a few bruises. In fact, they will get a bit beat up along the way- that's inevitable because he is not safe.
And that means that life holds some terrifying moments where we are standing on the top of the ski hill looking at the moguls wanting to bail- moments like on the airplane where I was skeptical and a little bitter. But once we go, without fail, there's more than we could ever have imagined on the way down. And God is right there snapping pictures yelling "I told you so! Now come on, there's more!"

So God, you are not safe. You are crazy in fact. And I am thankful because this has been a ride- the view, the people, the blessing- they wouldn't have happened if you hadn't dragged me on the ski lift and zoomed down the trail in front of me yelling "come on already!"

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good...

Riddle me this....

Can you guess the illness that's going around before the end of the riddle?

I clothe you as royalty, in hues of deep red.
It's an old little proverb that I ought to be fed.
You can say "don't be rash!" but you sure ain't my boss.
And I might cause you pain in your esophagus.
I miss those great days on the Oregon Trail.
Breathing on others is a public health fail.
You must stay in bed, cannot work like a beaver.
That's right everybody my name's Scarlet Fever!

In Guatemala. For serious. It's crazy to be sure, especially considering two people from our team have it. Even funnier (not that disease is funny), the girls' room is now a quarantine zone inhabited by the bitter souls of women who feel fine but cannot leave for 48 hours. My roommate is also quarantined elsewhere as are two other guys here...not because they are sick but because they were exposed to people who are sick. It's all fairly comical for those of us who are still free to breathe fresh, non-lysol saturated air and play fun games in the sunshine. However we do covet your prayers for Beth and Morgan. They will be able to play with the kids once they are on medication for 24 hours, but it will take around 15 days for them to be healed completely. The peeling and itching won't be any fun.

Thanks!

-Matt

Base

Yes, my blog slacking has reached a new low. However, since I'm now quarantined for exposure to scarlet fever, I have nothing to get in the way of remedying my sloth. So, a new blog post...

The most common phrase I hear on a daily basis is, "¿Emily, me puedes columpiar por favor?" This means, "Emily can you please swing me?" The little girl who I spend my mornings with has figured out that I'm always cold and that if she (in a less than subtle attempt to appear selfless) suggests that we go outside to warm up in the sun, this will quickly lead to swinging. Everyday we go outside under the guise of sitting in the warm sun and relaxing, and after approximately 36.8 seconds, when she decides I'm sufficiently heated, she asks me to push her on the swings. Everyday I try to convince her that we should sit, or better yet lie down, in the sun and relax...and everyday my awesome suggestion is rejected. I guess 4 year olds don't value nap time like adults do. So we swing.

The other day I was pushing my little buddy on the swings for quite awhile. At first she was carrying on her usual monologue about how she was convinced there would be a rainbow if we looked at the sky for long enough. I never look up because it hurts my eyes too much, but she's always telling me that she sees rainbows. After awhile, however, she got quiet. She laid her head back on the swing and let it hang there so that when the swing reached its peak she would feel like she was upside-down. She was completely relaxed, with a little smile on her face, and we continued this way for awhile. As I watched her I started to think about how rare moments like this might have been in her life before coming here. I don't know her story, but I know there have to be good reasons why she is here. I doubt that in her prior life she spent much time columpiando in relaxation.

In the past few days I have been witnessing moments of peace like this at Casa Bernabé. Another such moment happened the other day on the soccer field. Actually, it's less of a moment and more of an ongoing series of moments that I have been noticing. As I hear more about the children's stories and why they came to live at Casa Bernabé, I have more reasons to be thankful for the progress they are making here. I recently heard more details about how one of the boys in my house was when he first arrived here. He used to try to scratch and bite and spit on anyone who got close to him. He was terrified, especially of men. This only leads me to assume that he must have been abused in some way by the men in his life prior to coming here. It helps explain some of the things he does and why he acts out for no obvious reason. Since learning this I have been watching him more carefully and have been more understanding of his moods, which fluctuate often. I have particularly been paying attention to his interactions with men, specifically Jairo, the house dad in Casa Samuel. The children love him. Everyday when he comes home from work they all run to hug him. I was wondering if this little boy would do the same. The other day it was sunny so Veronica and I took the kids to the field to play soccer. I was sitting on the hill with a couple of the little girls watching the rest of them play. Then, Jairo came down the hill, returning from work. The game stopped and all the kids ran, screaming, to hug him. Led by this little boy. He wrapped his arms around Jairo's leg and screamed, "¡Papi, has regresado!" (Papi, you're back!)

A couple days later there was another sunny morning. I arrived at the house to find only a few kids there with Veronica. She told me Jairo had taken most of them up to the court to play soccer, so I headed up with my camera to capture a few moments of their favorite activity. As I watched them, particularly the one boy, I saw again how much they love their Papi. He was playing midfield and feeding sweet assists to the little boys so they could score. As the little boy that I was watching ran toward the goal, Jairo kicked him the ball and shouted, "Go, go, it's yours, go score!" Due to his lack of coordination, no goal was scored, however in his delight he ran over and hugged Jairo's leg. "You passed it right to me!" he said. The smile on his face was undeniable.

It's moments like this that have been capturing my attention in the past week. Moments of smiles, moments of deep breaths, moments of respite. When I was little and I played "hide and seek" or "tag" with my friends, I was always the chicken. I never wanted to leave "base" where I knew I was safe and couldn't be caught. I stayed at the base, or at least never ventured very far from it. As I watch these kids I realize that most of them have never had anywhere that they could call "base." In the races that they've been running and the real-life games of hide and seek that they've been playing, there is no base...until now. Moments like these have made me see that Casa Bernabé is base for these children. It's a place where they have wonderful parents like Veronica and Jairo to redeem their perception of adults. It's a place where physical touch can be a healing thing. It's a place of safety where they can finally breathe. They can sit in a swing, hang their heads back, close their eyes, and bask in the sunlight. They can run and hug a man's legs without worrying that he will kick them. They can go through a morning and the biggest thing to worry about can be whether or not they scored off the sweet pass that Papi fed them. This is peace. This is base.

Party time!

I love giving these kids sugar. They go berserk in the funniest ways. Like, this one kid was standing in front of the refrigerator doing dance after dance after dance as he read the weekly schedule. Then he just screamed and started flailing. Then he stopped and gave me a hug as I just stared at him and then ran away. What? Or this other kid who just came up to me and said, "I need to run I need to run I need to run! Time me!" and then ran around the house. I mean really.

The occasion for all of this sugar consumption was the joint celebration of two different birthdays. We busted out cakes, ice cream and coke...before dinner. Finally a country that gets the order right! Naturally because I was serving the ice cream I had a little bit of an advantage when it came to how much strawberry cheesecake ice cream I was able to consume. Hey, think of it as me vicariously destroying my teeth so they won't have to get dentures (it's for the children!!). I also vicariously drank a lot of soda. Treasures in heaven, you know. It was really cool to see the kids just having fun and enjoying something special. It was also really sad when I had to remind some of them that I wouldn't be here for their birthdays when they asked me. Rats. Just running around being crazy was a blast! One of the birthday boys is pretty small and so has a tendency to be vulnerable to the bigger kids. So my birthday present was to tackle and sit on the biggest kid in the house and let the birthday boy do whatever he wanted, which consisted of tickling, a wedgie and slowly moving his foot toward the other kid's face. Hey, he's one of the more angelic kids in the whole orphanage so he's earned it. He even does homework on the weekends. Dude has issues.

In an unrelated event that was still pretty funny, I went with my house to a presentation some church from America was putting on. One of their skits was that really cool Lifehouse song where, you know, it starts with the girl following Jesus and then all these people representing different sins come and drag her away until she's suicidal and then Jesus throws Himself between her and the sins? If you haven;t seen it, go watch it, it's great. Anyway, they did that and halfway through I realized the kid on my lap was singing along perfectly. In english. "Ok, how many times have you seen this skit?" "I dunno, lots. The kids in Neuvo Pacto do it all the time." I laughed. You gotta feel sort of bad for the church team. Also funny is how difficult it can be sometimes to get the kids to try and speak to you in spanish, but the instant there's a church handing out toys they have no problem sounding like used car salesmen. "Friend, friend, come here! Friend, I am serious, amiga, serious, come here!" "Don't you already have a toy?" "No, this not mine. Uhh, it is his. I have now, but it is his. Friend. Friend. Amiga. Please no leave!" But hey, he got a toy car and a Rubik's Cube out of it so who am I to judge.

Be praying for the girls in the city. Apparently they both got sick. Morgan is also gluten intolerant and hasn't been able to eat as often as would be healthy. Cressia and Emily are currently in the city with them, bringing them medications or something.

Also, I don't think any of the girls even realized it was Manday Monday today. Just because I think my tear ducts have fused doesn't mean I don't cry on the inside.

-Matt

More joy

Joy is building a fort and living in it with two crazy kids.

Joy is playing soccer with people I can barely understand but would gladly call friends.

Joy is the look on the kid's face when he realized someone had bought him a birthday cake.

Joy is turning some of the kids into Superman before they go to bed.

Joy is how badly one of the kids wants a massage only to collapse into a laughing heap the instant I touch him.

Joy is standing in the roiling night mist, just loving everything.

Joy is helping a kid dig a path for a tiny stream of water and then building a dam.

Joy is finally, finally, finally having actual conversations with people here.

Joy is watching how the kids hold the babies and toddlers.

Joy is hugs, hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Joy is how the kids show you love in the morning even if you were their worst enemy as you punished them the night before.

Joy is just sitting with them as they go to sleep, talking about life and God and our favorite animals.

This is joy. Praise God.

Oops.

Common phrases heard from the females of the Rainbows of Hope team:

"Yea, I'm gonna go take a shower and then I'll blog. I haven't written anything in weeks."

"I'll probably just relax and blog a little, it's been a while."

"I really need to blog...but I'm so tired. Maybe tomorrow."

"Does this color of toenail polish make my earlobe look fat?"

"Uuuugh, I promise I'll blog soon."

"Isn't Matt just the most attractive male specimen you've ever seen?"
"Uh-huh, yea girl."
"I don't even need to wear a sweater when he's in the room."
"Say whaaaat?"
*snap* *snap* *snap*

"We have a blog?"

So sorry we haven't updated! As you can clearly see, however, it's everybody else's fault. Address your hatemail to them.

Gracias por su paciencia.

-Matt

P.S. I am strictly a faithful scribe of actual, totally not made up things the girls have said.

Menos de tres semanas...

Wow. Time is moving along rather quickly. It's hard to believe we have been here for over five weeks.

I apologize for the lack of updates recently. I promise it's not because there is a lack of cool things happening. We have all become pretty settled into our routines and this has most certainly become normal life for us.

Lauren and Andrea have started to help take the kids to school which has led to Lauren putting one in a headlock with her knees while trying to get some others who were climbing the flagpole as the entire school was having devotions outside. Meanwhile Andrea was looking for the child who just sort of wandered away looking for a bathroom in the woods. Or something.

Alison, Ashley, Lauren and Sara alternate between the kitchen and baby house. Those babies are cute and all, but I couldn't do what they do. I'm pretty sure the most exciting thing that happens in their day is when a baby doesn't throw up on them.

Emily splits her time between the school and the crazy mad-house of insanity that is Casa Samuel. I think she's just whining. Whenever I stop by for three minutes every other week or so the kids seem positively angelic.

Cressia does...I actually have no idea. I'm pretty sure she's just sort of everywhere at once getting her way, making our lives easier. It's creepy. Sometimes, when I'm in bed at night, I think I can see her shadow in the window...but then it's gone.

I don't do anything now. I have ten pig shaped holes in my heart now that I don't have to feed them anymore. I know I came here for orphans but...but...their cute little tails...

Be praying for us please! This week is when we are supposed to really start talking about going away and stuff and creating a little bit of healthy distance between us and the children (at least far enough away that they can't hit us with something). It's going to be really difficult especially because we've all grown so attached to them.

We'll try to post something a bit bigger in the future, but for now I gotta go to lunch!

-Mateo

Atitlán, Adventure, Acrophobia, Awesomeness, Assonance!

Well we're back.

There is pretty much no way to give an adequate account of this weekend, mostly because I'm lazy, but here's a briefish recap.

We left Casa Bernabé at 5:20AM and drove to the city to pick up Morgan and Beth and drink some delicious Atol (this time flavored by oatmeal and cinnamon). Cressia decided to be the martyr and took the worst seat in the van for the next three hours (she was only half on the seat)...but it's ok because she was so tired I imagine it will take until next Saturday for the pain to reach her brain. We drove for somewhere between 3 and 7,000,000 hours until we finally reached our destination: Lake Atitlán. Think of the most beautiful place you've ever been to. Got it? Now wallow in pity because wherever it is is filthy mud compared to Atitlán!!!

Our first stop was in the Eco-Nature Reserve to go ziplining. After a rather steep hike upwards (with monkeys!) we all took turns going down the eight different "zips" which crisscrossed over the lush valley floor with views of the lake. Sara wins the award for doing something she didn't want to do and made it all the way down (*while still attached*)! Yayyyy Sara. Then we did a ropes course built solely for the purpose of humiliating you in an easily photographable environment. Mission accomplished.

We took tuk-tuks (imagine the offspring of a moped and a smart car) to get to the dock where our boat was waiting to take us to our hotel. It was wonderful. The fresh air, the beautiful water, the good friends, the raging monsoon...so great. We arrive at the port of Jaibalito, a town which will never win the award for "world's driest dock." Mostly because it was flooded. So we took off our shoes and stepped out into the rain! It was so great! To make things better, one of the planks in the dock was missing so you needed to channel your inner Mario if you wanted to make it across. Cressia has apparently never played Mario. Still, if anyone can make wiping out on a flooded dock in front of many spectators look good, it's Cressia. And besides, we all got entirely soaked anyway within the next seven minutes so she was really just a trend setter. We finished the hike to our hotel and after changing our clothes were treated to an incredible four-course meal. Then we slept. It was pretty much the best day ever, right up there with my birth and when I got my braces off after ten years.

The next morning we took it a little slowly and left around 10:30 to take a boat tour of the lake. We stopped at three different towns along the way and got a feel for the area. The last town we went to had an incredible restaurant/hotel at which we ate and enjoyed the stunning volcanic views. We made it back to the hotel around 4:30 and rested until dinner, which was yet another delightful feast. Poor Cressia had to sit with Emily and I and suffer as we talked about anthropology for an hour and half. Such a trooper! We went back to the room and learned that Guatemala has scorpions of the entering-your-hotel-room-unexpectedly variety! Exciting! We then played a rousing game of bilingual Pictionary Telephone. My two roommates sat next to each other, sandwiched by Emily and myself to translate. Surprisingly effective. And now Emily knows the word for sea-cucumber. Then we slept.

At 7 the next morning four of us (Alison, Lauren Haefliger, Morgan and I) hiked to a town about two miles away. Quite the ordeal. It was an invigorating adventure all the way, and we got to have breakfast at a great little european hotel. Then we took a boat back because, let's face it, nobody actually likes hiking the same route. We departed Atitlán and went to a town called Chichicastenango, famous for its market days (of which Sunday was one). It was so intense! Holy cow. If you move at all you get yelled at by the booth vendors and if you stand still you get swarmed by the mobile vendors. In approximately 17 seconds I was reduced to a trembling pale blob barely capable of muttering "No gracias, no gracias, no gracias" as I stumbled along. It eventually became lots of fun, however, and we all ended up buying some nifty stuff before sitting down to watch the World Cup final! Everyone in the restaurant was for Spain except this poor kid dressed in orange. He got hit a lot by his friends. After Emily did her little happy dance we left to go home. Six hours later we pulled into Casa Bernabé after an ENTIRELY UNEVENTFUL TRIP THAT MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING GROSS HAPPEN ALONG THE WAY THAT MIGHT STAIN MY PERFECT REPUTATION! Then we slept.

What a good weekend.

-Mateo

QUOTES! Round Two

Matt – "I’m secretly fat…I’m wearing three corsets."

Matt- "Well I dreamt about engaging primal forest gods in mortal combat, so I’m doing ok."

Lauren- "And Jacob is this werewolf guy who just has all sort of hormonal problems." Matt- "And he has hot flashes." Lauren- "Yea, well so do I."

Matt – "I really want my future wife to be just like a frat boy."

Matt (in the tuk tuk)– "If I could move my hands right now I would be scratching myself." (I was imitating my future fratboy wife!)

Emily – "With all of these mosquitoes I wish I had taken my malaria pills."
Lauren – "Do malaria pills keep the mosquitoes away?"

Matt (while watching Twilight. The scene where Jacob is ALMOST KISSING BELLA but NOT because he's LAME) – "Slowest kisser ever! Kiss her! Gosh DARN it! Kiss her like lightning!"

Andrea – "Wait. The vampire has a family?"

Lauren – "Porcause…"

Matt- "Well not everyone was born with such lustrous eyebrows as I was."

Matt- "I need to go to the bathroom, but Emily is asleep!" (I needed her to translate!)

Matt- “Here come the fingers of doom!!”

Matt- “Women basically have a courier service for toilet paper in their bathrooms.”

Cressia- “I love it when men cry. Do you have any chick-flick movies?”

Matt- “Come any closer and I will destroy you with my left foot of thunder!”

Emily- “I knew how to say ‘fig tree’ but I didn’t know how to say ‘fig’…go figure, no pun intended. Oh that was bad.” Matt- “And now Matt beats Emily with his waterbottle.”

Lauren Harlow- Singing- “Don’t worry, I’ll hold the door shut while stuff comes out your butt!”

Matt- “It was Tom Revere, right?” Morgan- “Yes, definitely Tom.” Lauren Haefliger- “Paul. It was Paul Revere.” Matt and Morgan- “Oh…oops.”

(Ashley and Lauren are sitting next to Matt while his face was cocooned in a hammock) Matt- “You know, most men dream of stuff like this, and I’m living that dream!”

Morgan- “Matt, those children were so afraid of you.” Matt- “Normal.” Lauren Haefliger- “And like five women ran away from you today.” Matt- “Also normal.”

Cressia (talking about something I did)- "I told my mom and she was like, 'Pray for him , Cressia, that's not normal!' and I was like, 'I have been, mom.'"



These quotes are awfully incriminating.

-Matt

We are still alive, I promise!

Except for Lauren Haefliger. That whole thing with the rabid butterfly was sure a bummer.

Anyway, I don't have much time, we leave in maybe five minutes to go on a boat tour of Lago de Atitlán, aka the most stunningly beautiful place in the whole wide world*. We have a wonderful hotel (that we almost drowned trying to get to) with a wonderful view of some wonderful volcanoes and wonderful cliffs filled with wonderful trees and wonderful flowers. Obviously we all hate it here. We are relaxing like pros and will update you all later. But seriously...this is one incredible place.

-Matt

*this statement is totally objective. We used science!

Just one of those moments...

Today I taught one of the boys how to tie a tie. I'm still smiling on the inside.

I continue to learn more of their stories. Tonight, one of the kids asked me to tell him about my childhood. "Well, I liked to read and play...but I didn't try hard in school and argued with my parents all the time. I was a bad kid...but it's a little better now." Then he asked me if I wanted to know about his childhood, and began telling me about when he became a Christian (about two years after coming to the orphanage)...and about how thieves shot his pregnant mother and most of his brothers when he was six. That was all. I didn't want to ask any of my many, many questions and instead sat there holding him as he lay across my lap.

Earlier that day I had to punish him for kicking another kid. I was afraid he'd hate me for the day or something. Instead, when we got back to the house he saw my multitude of bug bites and forced me to sit there as he applied Hydrogen Peroxide to all of them (I have no clue if that helps). Then we got in an argument over whether I was going to marry this one girl who helps out there. Again, when language failed me tickling did not. Then I sat on his bed for an hour with his head on my lap just talking about life with all the kids. It was really cool hearing how they had all become Christians after coming to the orphanage. Though these kids have shown me so much about brokenness they have also shown me about love. If my family had been shot and I'd spent the last six years of my life watching hundreds of people come and go with their promises...I don't know what I'd be like. I don't know if I'd have the compassion and love to sit for twenty minutes and gently dab medicine on yet another transient gringo's legs. I don't know if I'd care enough to tell my story one more time. But there we were, and there was God.

Tomorrow is family day. All the houses will dress differently (the high school boys are going in dresses) and compete for various prizes. This is a pretty big day for most of the kids, so be praying for everything to go well.

Thanks!!

-Mateo

P.S. Pray for my relationship with Sara. She skipped me one too many times in Phase 10, causing me to lose, and I'm beginning to question her Christian morals. Massive tension, might tear the team apart.

Something worth celebrating

As the World Cup festivities have proven, people here know how to celebrate. Last week I sat in a room full of girls in Casa Ester, watching Brazil beat Chile 3-0. Every time Brazil scored there were screams and cheers (mostly on Cressia's part). The following day I sat with more teenage girls in Casa Alabanza, watching Spain beat Portugal 1-0. This time I was as excited as they were...except the part where they ran and kissed the screen when David Villa scored. Last Sunday when Argentina beat México there were cheers ringing up from every corner of Casa Bernabé. Equally fervent was the despair as both Brazil and Argentina were knocked out of the Mundial in the last two days. People were crying, and Cressia has increased her coffee intake as a coping mechanism. Thankfully for me, the celebration can continue because I'm an España fan!! Yesterday while we were in Antigua I watched the game in a cafe during lunch, and Spain once again triumphed over Paraguay. ¡Viva España!

People here are so good at celebrating, in fact, that they even went along with the huge party that the group from Texas threw today in honor of July 4th. I've been out of the country on the 4th of July for the past 6 years, so this holiday has kind of lost its endearment for me, but not for everyone! The group made hundreds of hotdogs (ironically, they did not realize that a local grocery store recently donated 15,000 hotdogs to the orphanage because they had passed their expiration date so that's all we've been eating), potato salad, 250 cupcakes, and neopolitan ice cream. They also gave the kids noise makers, red/white/blue necklaces, and lollipops shaped like stars. One of my kids, proceeded to explain to me that the reason it's star shaped is because, "Ustedes tienen un montón de estrellas en su bandera." (You have a ton of stars on your flag!) I nodded. She then proudly imparted her newly confirmed knowledge to every other Casa Samuel child. The celebration continued with music--a must here. As good anthropology students, Matt and I were mildly horrified as 200 Guatemalans were subjected to two go-rounds of I'm Proud to Be an American and the Star-Spangled Banner. But, thankfully, they evened things out and treated us all to a rousing rendition of Guatemala's national anthem...which is SO MUCH longer than ours! Impressively, the kids knew all the words and sang them with enthusiasm. Then, because this night wasn't random enough, they whipped out some kind of National Anthems of the World soundtrack and went on to play the songs of each person represented in the room and all the remaining World Cup contenders. Listening to the German national anthem with a bunch of Texans and Guatemalans was indeed odd. Finally, as the great equalizer, they began to repeatedly play the World Cup theme song, Wavin' Flag, to the delight of everyone. Even the little ones were singing along!

However, the most passionate celebration I have witnessed since coming here took place on Friday evening. This past week the kids had no school and there were programs, activities, and competitions between the houses everyday. There were also church services. Long church services. Friday's service was 3 1/2 hours long, most of that being praise music. After a short sermon and a puppet show the band came on stage. This was the loudest praise band I have ever heard, complete with 3 trumpet players. Guatemalan worship music tends to be quite upbeat, and the services often involve flag waving and dancing. Friday was the epitome of a praise celebration! They cleared out all the chairs, and for 2 1/2 hours children of all ages sang, danced, and waved flags with joy. The band played without stopping, and the kids' energy never gave out. I can't say the same for mine...one of my little girls decided I was going to be her personal dance partner, and she also decided this needed to involve me spinning her around by her hands hundreds of times. She's surprisingly heavy for a small six-year old!

Having been here for a month, I know how excited these children can get over the World Cup, a birthday, a piñata, Toy Story 3, pools, pizza, new toys, or snack time. But the most enthusiastic that I have seen them has been during praise times on Sunday mornings and last Friday night. The pastors keep telling everyone to abandon their shame and embarrassment and dance, which I think is mostly directed at the Americans because the children have no problem doing that. Some of the older girls in Casa Alabanza and Casa Ester are great dancers. They could probably get a hip hop contract, but instead they patiently teach younger children new dance moves every Sunday morning to worship God. Watching children who have been through hell shamelessly dance in circles, weave around the room in trains, and wave huge flags as they sang about God's goodness and love was something I had never experienced. Then, the song Niña de tus Ojos came on. The lyrics are as follows:

Me viste a mi cuando nadie me vio. (You saw me when no one saw me.)

Me amaste a mi cuando nadie me amó. (You loved me when no one loved me.)

Y me diste nombre. (And you gave me a name.)

Yo soy tu niña, la niña de tus ojos, (I am your daughter, the daughter of your eyes,)

porque me amaste a mi. (because you loved me.)

Me amaste a mi. (You loved me.) x2

Te amo más que a mi vida. (I love you more than my life.) x4

As I listened to the children singing this song and watched the faces of some of the older girls, I realized that these words are true for them on a different level than I can understand. For many of them, there really was a time when it felt like no one saw them, no one loved them, and no one knew their name. To be someone's daughter is something that most of them can't claim. As much as they might celebrate all the other fun moments that their life at Casa Bernabé contains, this is the thing most worth celebrating. The words to this song are the reason they raise their flags and dance with joy every Sunday. Porque me amaste a mi.

And now for pictures...

Here are a few from our day in Antigua...

This is the 4 of us from SMP, Wheaton's summer ministry program

market places = Matt getting to shop with 10 girls.

This is when Matt realized he should have chosen to cheer for Spain instead of Argentina:)

La Iglesia de la Merced

And now some from the July 4th festivities...

Our pizza party

some of my kids enjoying the food

checking out the flag

Mateo with some of the Casa Esperanza boys

Guatemala's national anthem

star lollipops!

And now, the praise service...

I am the best American ever.

I ate thirteen (13) pieces of pizza. Everyone else didn't.

So there.

-Matt

Happy 4th of July!

Today we will be eating pizza and chips and hotdogs and cupcakes in celebration of something about America. They are really doing a lot to make us feel at home here and are actually making the party for the whole orphanage. It should be super fun!

Today at the end of church I was sort of zoning out a little (it's hard to concentrate on another language) when I heard they needed someone from America. My boys all screamed and pointed at me and pushed me into the aisle so I walked up to the front and stood on the stage completely unaware of what I was supposed to be doing. I figured they were just going to point at me and be like, "Look! An American!", but instead they stared at me awkwardly. "Um...¿que estoy haciendo?" (What am I doing?)... Oh that's right, I'm supposed to talk about what the 4th of July represents and explain why we celebrate it! That is sort of mildly hilarious if you know me. I stumbled through a generic and brief answer and then asked for someone else who knew more to come up and finish for me. When I sat down my house mom was laughing hysterically and told me that my face was the color of my shirt (a delightful purple-cranberry). I was soooo embarrassed. Lovely. Thus America ruined my Fourth of July.

The girls are feeling better! I'm sitting next to Ashley and she is neither catatonically drooling nor throwing up (not to say that she didn't handle her illness with great dignity and repose), so that's encouraging.

Best wishes on this day I'm told to celebrate! We continue to miss you all.

-Matt

QUOTES! Round One:

Lauren Harlow and Emily compiled these. Karen, who shows up a couple times, is a wonderful woman from Switzerland who was here with Rainbows of Hope last year and came back for a while this summer. She's great! So yea, here we go.

Matt – "Girl, I will end you."

Matt - "I like peeling. It makes me a new person. Would you tell a caterpillar not to peel?"

Cressia- "Oh my stars!" (Emily says this all the time...she's wearing off on Cressia)

Matt – "I’m eating lots of folic acid. If I were pregnant my baby would be so healthy." Days later: Matt- "I bought more Special K, I'm so exci---WOAH, my baby just kicked!"

Karen - "Don’t worry guys we have an extra bus. We can take the babies home if they get too crunchy. (She meant grouchy)

Matt – "I don’t have tickles" Lauren Harlow – "I don’t have tinkles."

Matt – "I went in these aromatherapy pools in Hawaii and later that night I played tennis. I kept getting distracted by how good I smelled when I was sweating!"

Matt- "I was like one second away from cutting you to pieces with my sassy black woman accent."

Alison – "I'm lactating!" (I have no idea. They tell me it's not inappropriate. I don't believe them.)

Lauren Harlow burps. Matt- "You get more attractive every day."

Matt (while video chatting with Andrea's dad)- "We cant see you anymore so you can take your shirt back off if you want to."

Matt- "I left my jewelry purse at home. It makes it harder to be fabulous but I do my best."

Matt – "I’m surrounded by a sea of hormones that I don’t understand!"

Cressia – "I stink eggs!"

Matt – "Chastity umbrella!"

Matt – "If you have any spare time, let’s harvest some beans together!"

Emily- "I look like death!" Lauren Harlow– "If death looks like you, I welcome it!"

Matt – "I knew that owning such a trendy toothbrush would only bring me sorrow."

Matt – "My eyes are leaking." Andrea – "That’s called tears, Matt."

Lauren Harlow- "They are all esta bien."

Matt- "I am going to bed." Andrea- "Shut up!"

Matt- "I never had that much energy as a kid. I was too busy being brilliant and witty."

Karen- "I have chicken skin!" (She meant goosebumps)

Matt to Lauren Harlow- "Yes, well my blisters are awkwardly low on my back, and you have a boyfriend." (I'm looking out for you Tommy!)

Cressia- "It is good to have friends guys. I can do lots of things for you. You just wait."

Cressia- "I like stuff for adultery." Lauren Harlow- "WHAT?!" Cressia- "I like idolatry!" Lauren Harlow- "What?!" Cressia- "I like stuff from DOLLAR TREE!"

Matt- "Every time we're doing dishes I want to break out in a Stomp routine." Lauren Harlow- "Why?" Matt- "Why not? I'm in a kitchen..."

More to follow once we script out funnier things to say!

-Mateo and las chicas

Brief update.

1) I mowed the football field yesterday. It was flat, dry and forest-yeti free! There was also an abundance of sunshine and activity. So yea...it was much better! Thanks for the prayers.

2) The door lock to my apartment serves the sole purpose of removing the joy of owning a key. At least before I had an excuse why I couldn't get in. Now it's painfully obvious that I'm just stupid.

3) I just finished playing football for an hour and a half in the dark, misty night. For about an hour I was the only gringo. Then the lights went out and the lightning began. The game continued in the stormy, flashing darkness. Can you honestly believe I get to have so much fun?! It's unreal.

4) We are going to Antigua tomorrow! I will proudly be wearing my newly acquired Argentina shirt...will you (get your own shirt!)?

For he who has Christ...

"And...and how old is your Grandma?"

"I don't know, Daniel, I haven't asked her."

"Your Grandpa?"

"I don't know..." I tussle his hair as he lays across my lap. The lights are out and I can barely see his face. He's smiling.

"And your great-Grandma?"

"You're ridiculous. I have no idea how-"

"And your great-great-great-great-great-great---" He dissolves into laughter as both of my hands find his armpits. He shouldn't have told me he was ticklish there. He quiets down and a minute of silence follows. He's listening to my heartbeat.

Andrés breaks the quiet. "I don't have grandparents...or parents. My dad and two of my brothers are in heaven though..."

Daniel quickly grabs my ear, "I have a Grandmother, but my mom died and my dad died and my aunts died and my older brother has a different family now."

I don't say anything for a while. Daniel is still listening to my heartbeat. I peer through the darkness toward Andrés and search for something to say with my limited spanish. "Um, but do you still have joy?"

"Yea! Of course. I have a father."

"I thought you said..."

"God. God is my Father."

I smile. "You're right. And you know...you all know...that anybody who has God-"

They both interrupt me, "We know! Anybody who has God has everything."

"Yea...and He loves you so much."

"We know."

It's late. I put Daniel's head on his pillow and tuck him in. I stand up, give each of them a quick hug and walk toward the door.

"Mateo! Mateo, will you come play tomorrow?"

"Of course, in the afternoon like always. Good night guys." I know that someday "good night" will become "goodbye"...but not now, not yet.

I walk around in the chilly night air for a while. The moon is a brilliant orange circle cresting over a distant mountain. The millions of stars that crowd the sky are vibrant and beautiful...and at this moment I imagine they are angels rejoicing over the children. I laugh at myself for being sappy. I briefly thank God for each of the kids and walk back to the main building so very content. Surely this is the kind of life that Christ has offered to us in the abundance of His love.

All praise and glory to the God of the stars who loves each of these children with passion unending.